ISLAMABAD: Most parents will remember their little-ones clinging to their leg or being reluctant to speak to someone new.
But when does this stop being a natural part of growing up and become something to worry about?
Typical examples of being shy in social situations include being clingy, reluctant to interact with others and playing alone more often than other children their age.
Here, Heidi Gazelle, a senior lecturer in Developmental Psychology from the University of Melbourne, explains how shyness is of more concern if it is persistent rather than temporary.
Writing forThe Conversation, she explains when parents should be worried.
In social situations, shy children may cling to their parent, be hesitant to speak, reluctant to interact with others, and play alone when in groups more often than other children their age
Some children are ‘slow to warm up’ or engage with others, but do engage well after initial hesitancy.
Also, some children grow out of shyness during primary school. However, others demonstrate persistent shyness over time.
Shyness with other children is of more concern than shyness with adults.
It is common for children to be wary of adults, particularly men, but less common for children to be wary of children around their own age.
Shyness is of concern if it results in playing alone when in groups of children. When children engage in interaction with peers they learn skills that serve as a foundation for normal development, such as how to understand other people’s feelings and perspectives.
They also learn to take turns in play and conversation, negotiate a mutually enjoyable joint activity, reciprocate friendly overtures and express their point of view in a way that is acceptable to others.
Children who engage in very little social interaction in comparison to children their age are missing out on these important, cumulative learning experiences.
As a result, their social cognition, social skills and sense of self may be less mature than those of other children their age. Shy children are more likely than other children to be excluded and victimised by kids their own age and to have trouble making friends. Shyness with familiar social partners is of more concern than shyness with strangers. It is of particular concern if children are shy with other children their own age they see regularly, such as childcare or school classmates.
Shyness with familiar classmates suggests children may be worried about how other kids treat them, or whether they will be liked and accepted. It is of more concern if a child is poorly treated by other children than if a shy child is well treated by other children.
Shy children are more likely than other children to be excluded and victimized by kids their own age and to have trouble making friends. Being excluded and victimized are damaging to children’s emotional health and sense of self, especially when these conditions persist over time. Although shyness tends to be equally prevalent in boys and girls, shy boys sometimes encounter more difficulties with friends than shy girls. This is probably because shyness is a violation of norms for males to be bold and self-assertive.
However, it is important to keep in mind both shy boys and girls can encounter peer exclusion and victimization.
Shyness is of concern if it interferes with your child’s or family’s routines or activities, or if your child often appears miserable or complains of being lonely. Children need help from adults to stop exclusion and victimization by other children. When parents become aware their child is being excluded or victimized by other children at childcare or school, they should contact the childcare center or school to advocate on their child’s behalf. Shyness is of concern if it interferes with your child’s or family’s routines or activities, or if your child often appears miserable or complains of being lonely.
For instance, if shyness prevents your child from attending other children’s birthday parties or school, or prevents your family from visiting friends, then you should consider seeking help from a child psychologist. Online programs to help children and parents cope with child shyness and anxiety are starting to become available and provide convenient help for a lower cost.
Parents can also do many things themselves to help their shy child. They can arrange play dates and help the child join a group extracurricular activity. Parents can also talk to children about their friendships and act as a sympathetic source of encouragement and constructive ideas.
If a child is upset about a problem with a friend, parents can encourage the child to try to resolve the problem in a way that preserves the friendship, instead of ending the friendship, as well as encourage the child to develop other friendships.